I’m asking this again because I asked this morning, and all I got was answers from people being mean!
Anyway Valentine’s Day is coming up. I have my present all planned for my husband. I got him tickets to his favorite sporting event, and I arranged for him to meet his favorite sports player before the game, and to tour the locker room with him! However my husband has been a total jerk when it comes to Valentine’s Day for me! Anyway he suggested going to a ski lodge for a night, which I thought was a GREAT idea. The reason Valentine’s Day is so important to me, is because he has been away on business for most of the first year of our marriage. It’s the only holiday he’s been home for, and he’ll have to leave shortly after! I just want to make V Day a really good memory for both of us to remember while we’re apart again, you know? People earlier were acting like I am a money grubbing gift grabbing wife and I’m NOT, I just want him to put some effort into it and show some thought. But the ski lodge idea was great, and I told him I LOVED it! Then out of nowhere he drops the idea, and I was totally disappointed. He told me it was "too much money" but I handle the money, and I know that it’s not. We have 0 money problems, and we are well off (again, NOT about the money, I’m just saying, we can definitely afford it). So then he starts looking at jewelery for me, which I guess was sweet, but personally I like to pick my own jewelry because I feel really bad if my husband picks something and it’s not my style and I just don’t want him to waste his money. Guys are not always good at picking out jewelry. But what really bugged me was that it was MORE expensive than spending the night at the ski lodge. WTF, he just said that was too expensive?! So I tried to get at the bottom of why he didn’t want to go to the ski lodge anymore, and he just won’t tell me. It’s a jerk move to say you’re going to do something with your wife then just say no out of nowhere. So then he started looking around at other gifts, and he SERIOUSLY suggested a LITTER BOX?! The other stuff he suggested was all ripped from a generic Amazon "suggested Valentine’s Day gift list." That is not romantic or sentimental at all.
I am just the kind of person that I think it’s the thought that counts, and he’s not putting any thought into this at all. If he spent like $20, got a scrapbook, and scrapbooked with me, or even just watched a movie with me while I did it, made a card, or something that showed he was THINKING OF ME, I would be happy. But he’s not doing any of that. He’s suggesting jewelry I don’t want, a litter box, gifts that don’t mean anything, etc. I’d be happy if he planned a nice date out like to where we had our first date, or breakfast in bed, or something. He’s all excited about his present but he couldn’t care less about mine, and I’m at the point where I don’t even want to give him his gift anymore. He won’t do the 1 idea of his that I really liked. I suggested scrapbooking, making a card, or planning a nice date like I said here, and he just blows it off. I want to know what gives here, and I do NOT want to be accused of being selfish or high maintenance or greedy. Like I said I don’t care WHAT the gift or outing is just that is has some SENTIMENT behind it. I support him while he’s away doing his business and I work hard back at home to keep everything together with the house and I work as well, and I think that I do deserve for him to show that he’s thought of me and I don’t think it’s too much to ask or it’s high maintenance. It’s frustrating to me because I KNOW he is trying to come up with SOMETHING for Valentine’s Day. He is TRYING. But he does NOT seem to get that it’s the thought that counts and that it was means the most, and he does NOT like the things that I suggest, such as agreeing with the ski lodge for a night, a scrapbook, or something like that. 
No jerks answering this time, please.
I have suggested stuff like breakfast in bed, a bubble bath together, going to where we had our first date… he won’t!!! I’ve suggested personal and sentimental things… no go!!! He won’t do the one idea he suggested that I liked!!!
I’m not going to plan my own date or buy my own gift! There is NO MEANING in that, and I would rather have NOTHING than that.
I HAVE talked to him… I communicated with him a lot… I told him that first of all I’m really hurt that he suggested something then refused to follow through with it… I’ve suggested a number of really simple things he could do… like a scrapbook or cooking dinner or something like that… and he just DOES NOT LISTEN! Why are men like that?!?!
You guys are not even understanding… he is asking me what to get or to do… and I tell him but then he WON’T DO IT. So why does he even ask? It’s not like I’m bugging him by shooting down all of his ideas. He asks me for ideas, I give them, and he refuses. WTF is that about? Why ask if you’re not going to take any input?
oh lord, i know what you mean. no your not being unreasonable. but on the other hand, you’ve got to let him come up with it on his own. it sounds to me like he’s already got something planned & is just jerking you around. you already made it clear how important the day is to you. leave it at that. dont mention it again. and if he still drops the ball, let him have it Feb 15th. But Feb 14th, make it the best damn day the 2 of you have ever had together. no matter what he does or doesnt do for you. by the way- great gift you came up with for him! he’ll be ecstatic!
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I remember HANDS DOWN the most HILARIOUS day on Yahoo Answers marriage/divorce last year….it was the day AFTER Valentine’s Day! LOL! All these women making a big freaking deal out of a STUPID Hallmark Holiday and hubby dear, being a MAN didn’t care HALF AS MUCH!
Anyone that wants a LAUGH, come back here on February 15!
LMFAO!
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You say its the thought that counts, then act like it. Personally, what could be better than just spending the day and night together. Go hit some flea markets, drive through the country side, have a picnic, rent a movie, cook together…etc. While your gift is nice, I think its a little over the top for V-Day. Men do not care about the same stuff we do. They think they are being romantic when they take the trash out, so just take the pressure off him and spend a nice relaxing day together. Sign up for a couples massage. Just enjoy each other!
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Then don’t do ANYTHING for V-Day. If he doesn’t want too, maybe he wants it just to be you and him relaxing. Stay in your comfy clothes all day. Quit talking about it and trying to make him do something. Its just VALENTINE’s day when stuff is three times what it normally is. Chill OUT.
cool..maybe i can be the first jerk. look, guys just don’t really give a rats a$$ about valentines day. the sooner you figure that out, the better. we don’t want to have to put a bunch of thought into some hallmark holiday that has absolutely 0 significance at all. to be honest, you sound way overbearing and he’d likely be better off without if he’s gonna have to listen to you biyotch about it. if you want to give him a good gift…just leave the back door unlocked.
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What exactly do you want anyone to say? Your husband is a bit cold. Next holiday, make reservations where YOU want to go, and call it HIS gift. Maybe he will get the point.
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DONT MIND THE MEAN PEOLE THEY ARE JUST RUDE AND HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH THEMSELF ALL I WOULD DO IS REPORT THE RUDE PEOPLE I MEAN IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY DONT SAY NOTHING >………(yeah but you said its the thought that matters .,….if you dont like what he gets you just tell him how much you love him love is better than presents(lol) GOOD LUCK!
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I think you are right the money does not mean anything. I have been married for eight years and every year at the last second my husband freaks because he did not get me anything, I was okay with that but just a simple word written on paper would have been better than freaking out maybe next year you make the resvervation to the ski logde for the both of you instead maybe he will get the idea?
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Your position is completely reasonable. It is important that the two of you get good at this gift / holiday stuff because it comes up a few times a year and it matters. So make a short list of points you want him to understand about holidays/gifts so that in the future those events are full of happiness not combat. But start off with a nice tone, and the statement that the goal is to have happy family holidays by following a short list of guidelines.
1. He needs to listen to what "you" want for "your" gift
2. Certain types of gifts, even if it kills the surprise must be selected together. I would NEVER buy my wife jewelry unless she was with me picking it out. I just wouldn’t pick the right thing. And it has nothing to do with cost.
3. He needs to accept that when something is important to you, and clearly this is, by definition that needs to make it important to him. Frankly, the reason sex is important to my wife, is because it is important to me. Part of a happy marriage.
4. He also needs to understand that if the situation were reversed, and he asked for a sort of expensive gift and you said "it costs to much" but then bought him something more expensive that he didn’t want, that he would be really frustrated
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It is the thought that counts; so what are ya’ll thinking? My husband doesn’t celebrate vd, birthdays, christmas etc. But he brought me a Heart shaped rock made out of asphalt, I still have it and I love it. I do understand that you want a present from the heart that shows hes thinking of you and maybe you’ll get it. Maybe he knows what that is but he thinks that you won’t appreciate it because it didn’t cost a lot or he didn’t take you somewhere. Maybe hes afraid you’ll think it stupid. So maybe you could communicate to him what you have told to strangers on the world wide web.
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it sucks being a guy on valentines day… my wife told me (before we were even married) exactly whats expected from me… flowers delivered to her at work so all the other women can oooh and aaaah and all that… what a freakin joke… when you think about it men have to do all this stupid stuff for women on birthdays christmas mothers day, not to mention giving up on his own family because the inlaws take over… a guy shows his woman he loves her 24 7 365 by providing, protecting, and being her man… if all you want is a big show on valentines day… rent an escort
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Did you tell him the reasons you are hoping for a special Vday this year? I think if you stress to him (in a loving way, of course) that you really want to spend quality time with him, and have been missing him, etc… maybe he will re-think the ski lodge idea. Does he enjoy skiing? If not, maybe you could suggest something more relaxing…? An overnight at a posh hotel, or something… Oh, and try not to let the lack of attention to detail bug ya. Men just don’t think the way we do. I mean, some of ‘em just can’t do the "thoughtful gift", like we can. It could also be that he’s still thinking on it, maybe he thinks he can come up with something else to surprise ya. Hope it helps, good luck!
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Every day is suppose to be Valentines day when you are married. It was invented by the card companies to sell more greeting cards. Jees
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you keep telling him what you would like – ok, you want to get something you like – I understand that. But now let it be. Say nothing anymore. Wait and see what happens on this so "glorious" day, made by a marketing machinery to sell their goods.
The daily life counts. That every day he is out of the house he is not cheating on you. That every day he is out of the house he thinks about you, calls you, is kind and loving.
You are making a great gift to him and your reward should be, that you make him happy with the gift you are giving him. What we are supposed to celebrate on Valentines Day ? Love right, and love is giving without asking for something back.
In now saying you don’t feel like you don’t want to give him his gift anymore, because he does not plan out with you the things YOU want is more than childish – and far away from the idea of giving.
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I am the certified Queen of getting crappy presents. On my 22th birthday I got a KEYHOLDER. And that is not because he couldn’t afford any better. So when I read you complaining about jewerly… well, at least he’s not a cheap…
apart from that I totally understand what you’r saying. When we started dating he made me a card (which is of course completely free since it was created by him) which included nice msgs. I still look at it and it makes me cry. Its not the price, but the sentiment – I know that he took time to make that present and it was made with love. Things changed… and led to keyholders, or pizza place the following year.
He claimed that because I didn’t like his previous presents (which is completely not true), he got intimidated and doesn’t like buying me presents any more. He feels that when I suggest a present "its different" cuz he’s the one that wants to come up with it. So its a vicious circe – he won’t come up with anything, since he’s afraid, and he won’t let me come up or approve of anything either. I’ve explained its hurtful, but it didn’t help…
It is very contraintuitive why your guy suddenly gave up the idea of the trip after you indicated you are thrilled by it. But I suppose our guys have this in common – even though it sounds so strange I think it is something that my guy would totally do and have done. No explanation, no reason, just the way it is.
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oh lord, i know what you mean. no your not being unreasonable. but on the other hand, you’ve got to let him come up with it on his own. it sounds to me like he’s already got something planned & is just jerking you around. you already made it clear how important the day is to you. leave it at that. dont mention it again. and if he still drops the ball, let him have it Feb 15th. But Feb 14th, make it the best damn day the 2 of you have ever had together. no matter what he does or doesnt do for you. by the way- great gift you came up with for him! he’ll be ecstatic!
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